Saying goodbye

Couldn't resist to share this article which every parent can relate to:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/michael-gerson-saying-goodbye-to-my-child-the-youngster/2013/08/19/6337802e-08dd-11e3-8974-f97ab3b3c677_story.html

Eventually, the cosmologists assure us, our sun and all suns will consume their fuel, violently explode and then become cold and dark. Matter itself will evaporate into the void and the universe will become desolate for the rest of time.

This was the general drift of my thoughts as my wife and I dropped off my eldest son as a freshman at college. I put on my best face. But it is the worst thing that time has done to me so far. That moment at the dorm is implied at the kindergarten door, at the gates of summer camp, at every ritual of parting and independence. But it comes as surprising as a thief, taking what you value most.

The emotions of a parent, I can attest, are an odd mix: part pride, part resignation, part self-pity, even a bit of something that feels like grief. The experience is natural and common. And still planets are thrown off their axes.

Our ancestors actually thought this parting should take place earlier. Many societies once practiced “extrusion,” in which adolescents were sent away to live with friends or relatives right after puberty. This was supposed to minimize the nasty conflicts that come from housing teenagers and their parents in close proximity. Some non-human primates have a similar practice, forcibly expelling adolescents from the family group.

Fat lot did our ancestors know. Eighteen years is not enough. A crib is bought. Christmas trees get picked out. There is the park and lullabies and a little help with homework. The days pass uncounted, until they end. The adjustment is traumatic. My son is on the quiet side — observant, thoughtful, a practitioner of companionable silence. I’m learning how empty the quiet can be.

I know this is hard on him as well. He will be homesick, as I was (intensely) as a freshman. An education expert once told me that among the greatest fears of college students is they won’t have a room at home to return to. They want to keep a beachhead in their former life.

But with due respect to my son’s feelings, I have the worse of it. I know something he doesn’t — not quite a secret, but incomprehensible to the young. He is experiencing the adjustments that come with beginnings. His life is starting for real. I have begun the long letting go. Put another way: He has a wonderful future in which my part naturally diminishes. I have no possible future that is better without him close.

There is no use brooding about it. I’m sure my father realized it at a similar moment. And I certainly didn’t notice or empathize. At first, he was a giant who held my hand and filled my sky. Then a middle-aged man who paid my bills. Now, decades after his passing, a much-loved shadow. But I can remember the last time I hugged him in the front hallway of his home, where I always had a room. It is a memory of warmth. I can only hope to leave my son the same.

Parenthood offers many lessons in patience and sacrifice. But ultimately, it is a lesson in humility. The very best thing about your life is a short stage in someone else’s story. And it is enough.

The end of childhood, of course, can be the start of adult relationships between parents and children that are rewarding in their own way. I’m anxious to befriend my grown sons. But that hasn’t stopped the random, useless tears. I was cautioned by a high-powered Washington foreign policy expert that he had been emotionally debilitated for weeks after dropping off his daughter at college for the first time. So I feel entitled to a period of brooding.

The cosmologists, even with all their depressing talk about the eventual heat death of the cosmos, offer some comfort. They point out that we live in the briefest window — a fraction of a fraction of the unimaginable vastness of deep time — in which it is physically possible for life to exist. So we inhabit (or are chosen to inhabit) an astounding, privileged instant in the life span of the universe.

Well, 18 years is a window that closed too quickly. But, my son, those days have been the greatest wonder and privilege of my life. And there will always be a room for you.

- Michael Gerson

Bridging the culture gap

As I much as I make an effort to integrate myself with my american friends and society every single day, I still feel that there is much more to do to assimilate with this awesome open and a fair society. The need to assimilate quadrupled ever since I had a daughter 4 years ago. Why? Simply because she is a proud US citizen and I would like to let her think about her parents the same way.

Where do we start this assimilation process? It begins with baby steps.

COMMUNICATION:
It took me a great deal to improve on my communication as that is where it all begins. Never be afraid of changing the way you converse, listen to talk shows on radio and TV as this helped me a ton. Ability to think, respond and strike a conversation is what makes you a good social person.

UP BRINGING:
As much as we rave about our way (Indian or Chinese or any nativity) of upbringing, there is definitely an element of truth and benefit to the American style of upbringing especially when it comes to setting expectation with your kid, rewarding them for good behaviors and letting them know about the consequences of bad behavior. I am not suggesting that every kid in USA is raised the same way but USA certainly did teach me more about these proven techniques to raise a kid. It has helped me dealing with terrible 2's, containing tantrums and also letting my kid know that being humble and kind is the only way to move forward in life.

REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS:
This is one of the most important step in my opinion. As a parent, it is inevitable to assume that your kid is the smartest, brightest and the best. In real world, it doesn't work that way. You would always strive to give them the best in everything you can afford but at the same time, you may also refine your expectations as they grow. Hoping that they would never date anyone or never go to prom parties or never get involved in curious 'teen' activities is like living in paradise. Instead, you always let your kid know they should not disappoint you under any circumstances and that you are always there when they are in trouble. I mean any kind of trouble. This would give them the confidence that they have our backs if they go wrong. Instead of asking them what they did good today, ask them what they failed in. And, give them a chance to fail as failures are a stepping stone for success. Today, we have a great problem of rewarding kids even if they came last in a sprint race. This is not the way it should work.

FREEDOM:
We are fortunate to live in this free nation. That should also mean that we give that sense of freedom to our kids who would then have a mindset to explore. Of course, you would set boundaries but letting them pursue their goals or dreams is what makes them successful. They always know that you are there to support them during hard times. We are fortunate to have that luxury to support which never existed when we grew up. There was no room for maneuver back then.

I am hoping that these simple but powerful tools will help each parent to enjoy the benefits of raising kids in USA. There is no place better than this when it comes to pursuing dreams!

What Ferguson teaches us

We are a nation of laws. All of us might not be very happy with all the laws but we are expected to follow it once it is signed into a law. The string of events which happened in Ferguson revealed how fragile humans are when it comes to reacting to a situation which did not turn in our favor. While it was shameful looking at the images on CNN with regards to looting, violence and bad behavior, I also felt a rush of emotions for the Brown's family who had to go through this ordeal. While race could be a problem in this particular case (I am not the one to judge or conclude), we need to take a step back and think about the following real issues:

1) Police presence in an area is directly linked to crime level in that area. The fact that this neighborhood of Ferguson had so much police presence itself means there is some work to do for the leaders in that community. Educating the youth, keeping them off the streets, providing jobs is #1 priority. This could have avoided what we have seen in August with Brown shooting.

2) Police force need to represent the areas demographics. Having 50 white and 3 black officers only means that they need to take a hard look at the applicants and make a genuine effort to hire a force which is in line with the area demographics.

3) I see lot of stats around blacks killing blacks and whites killing whites. It is stated as fact that blacks killing blacks happens 7 times more than whites killing whites. We have an inherent problem in the society with broken families who are unable to provide the best education for their kids and hence are unable to keep them off the streets.

Unless we address the core issues, no amount of policy changes would improve the situation in these areas. Hope we don't blow up this opportunity for change as we did before with the Newtown School shooting.

Oil spill

I wonder if the recent oil spill on Gulf Coast is an act of god trying to warn us about the destruction caused by humanity to this planet earth. I believe we have taken nature for granted and caused irreparable damage. May be, it is time for us to give up these materialistic pleasures and comforts to save the Planet Earth. Having got used to the current way of life, I find it really difficult to lead an environment-friendly lifestyle due to many reasons. Going green is just a buzz word and not many have really embraced this idea in real life except for few Hollywood celebrities who could afford. My first step towards going green was to replace all the bulbs to energy saving ones. My next big move could be to buy a hybrid vehicle. I would urge all of you to become environment friendly in order to save this planet and human race from extinction. I am afraid that some day we would be covered ourselves with oil (like the pelicans and fishes) paying a huge price for our own actions. That's when we would realize that death is better than being alive.

Golfing - An incredible experience

Today was my 3rd day @ the driving range and so far, I had a pretty nice experience golfing. Thanks to my colleague and my coach Marcin who has helped me with the basics. It took me more than 300 attempts to get some confidence in my swing though I am no where close to perfection. It would take few more months to get there. My wife accompanied me on my first day which turned out to be the last day too. Never mind as I would definitely try to impress her after few months. With this, I have also started watching the 401 channel i.e GOLF HD as it would help me in understand the game better. Hope this new passion of mine remains a passion forever.

UNITED STATES - Will it lose its 'super power' status?

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, the greatest country on this planet with the mightiest military machine and most advanced economy, is grappling with issues which could reduce its dominance in today's world. Fighting two wars, an inefficient healthcare system, failed educational reforms, rising poverty, rising unemployment are some of the issues which are haunting this great nation. Growing debt is what concerns me the most.If we do not tame the debt in next 10 years, US would no longer be a lone super power. Instead, it would be joined with India and China which are growing at a faster pace.

My view is that there is no country currently prepared to take over the responsibilities of United States. With Obama in the office, I am hoping to see changes in the Healthcare, education, fiscal policy, unemployment, homeland security and foreign policy. USA can still dominate the world if it can create opportunities for small businesses, revamp its educational system, reduce dependence on foreign oil, reduce borrowing, improve homeland security, create jobs and assure its people that there is still opportunities in this best country on the planet.

I am here to live the AMERICAN DREAM and I hope this country does not let me down. I still believe that I am in the right place at the right moment.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Fight against piracy...

There is hardly any Indian Grocery store in Dallas, TX where movie piracy is non-existent. Recently, I had been to a grocery store in Plano, TX where you get a free 'pirated' DVD once your grocery bill exceeds $50. It's the demand among the Indian population which is driving the sales for these $2 each DVDs. Indians are considered to be the most educated and one of the smartest in the community here. Yet, we completely turn a blind eye towards this growing problem. I personally fight this problem by avoiding renting/purchasing any pirated DVD but this would not deter others from doing the same. At this point, I am helpless and I hope that some day I would be joined by few others who have the same opinion as me so that we can collectively fight piracy and educate our future generations.